The following was inspired by a prompt from Megan Devine’s “Write Your Grief” course. I forget the actual prompt, the gist is ‘how would your loved one see you now? What’s going on for them?’. It’s in the POV of my Dad, which made me hesitate writing this (and also posting it).
Honestly though, once I started it just flowed. I wont lie, I like how this came out. Maybe it’ll resonate for you.
I’m here now, which isn’t saying much really. “Here” is a tricky concept. Remember when I was telling you about quantum physics that time? How just thinking about something can change it tangibly, rearranging the molecules in ways we only barely understand?
Well I’m somewhere in that space. I can rewind to my earliest moments, in fact I’m fairly certain I caused that ghostly encounter on the road I told you about. That day must seem so long ago for you.
I can see the day you were born, you were so beautiful. That blond hair and blue eyes, outside of that you look just like me you know. You’re still beautiful, I didn’t mean to imply anything, but god I remember just being in aww.
I can see you now, sitting on the porch poking at your phone. You looked up just now, I saw the tears. I wonder if they’re for me or mom, or something else entirely.
I know this isn’t easy, Mom was having a rough time but she made that choice. I’m sorry she did that. I hope she’s at peace.
I heard you that day you know, when you sat with me while Cindy ran some errands.
I tried to stay, I really did.
That day, when they told you to come, and I held on…. I never pushed myself that far physically, every muscle fiber screamed for air as I lay gasping and waiting and praying I would hold on long enough…
Then you came. I was afraid I was hallucinating when you walked in and out so quickly. That’s not my Jacquelyn. No.
I know it’s been a rough time, but you’re made of tougher stuff. Tougher than most I’d say. In this “place” I can do more than just visit the past, I can see the vast spectrum of existence and all that entails. Took a little while to figure out the controls but I’ve got it under control now, for the most part.
It’s amazing, and so are you. I can see the possibilities that lay before you, and all the potential the future holds for you. Know that you are capable of doing great things, and that you already have.
I’m gonna go peak on Bridget & Wyatt now, I can’t tell if any of you guys sense my visits, but I like to check in.
I love you, go shower and get a good nights rest.
PS: you’re right about the birds, the hawks and the eagles. Tell Cindy for me.