What to do while you wait for AAA to unlock the car because you’re 33 and still haven’t figured out that multi-tasking accomplishes NOTHING

◦ Go back in the store and buy shit you don’t need to distract yourself

◦ Spend too long trying to find a valid reason to do thing 1

◦ Instead decide to go inside use the bathroom and/or splash your face with water

◦ Pace awkwardly around your car because standing is even more awkward

◦ Mentally list everyone you can think of in the vicinity, as well as the probability they’re around and will keep you company

◦ maybe call one

◦ Feel a bit silly about the call (of you got that far).

◦ Lean awkwardly against your car and hope that you’re the only person shitty enough to assume someone leaning on their car in a Walmart parking lot might be some kinda junkie/drug dealer/other miscellaneous miscreant

◦ Collect shopping carts in the hopes that people who are sitting inside their cars (lucky assholes) won’t notice you hanging out in a parking lot (and avoiding previous scenario)

◦ Endlessly refresh the AAA website to see the ETA

◦ Make a list of what to do when you’re stuck waiting for AAA

◦ Look for more birds

◦ Start to regret not eating that sandwich earlier

◦ Grow concerned as your phone flashes the “low battery” message.

◦ Vacillate between “looking on the bright side” (AKA it could always be worse) and being annoyed that you’re even IN a situation where you’re imagining worst case scenarios to feel better

◦ Think about zombies

◦ Make small talk with the kind older lady who asks if you need anything

◦ Be glad you impulse-bought a AAA membership last month for the free maps

◦ Watch somebody do their hair standing outside their car (hairspray & all) by looking at their reflection in their rear view mirror

◦ Realize they probably did that because it’d suck to be in a car filled with hair spray fumes

◦ Wonder why they’re taking so much care with their hair before entering Walmart

◦ Notice the storm clouds off in the distance aren’t quite so distant anymore…

◦ Make a mental note to start keeping a small notebook on your person for future updates

◦ Flag down the AAA truck with the light weight plaid you have tied a

◦ Thank Raziel (who was awesome) and congratulate yourself. You’ve survived a very minor 1st world inconvenience. (which isn’t always quite as easy as it sounds.)