Before we dive in, please take a moment to visist Help Save A Smile!. Donate what you can, if you can, share it on the social medias or spam email your rich relatives, any action helps. (It’ll make sense by the end, I hope. probably? I’m doing my best here people…)
Welcome back and thanks for visiting this edition Sit Down Sunday. Let’s get into it.
Being human is overwhelming, amirite? I’m sure you’ve had those moments, the times when the basic activities for survival in “the new millennia” seem to conspire and gang up on you all at once. With so much to get done you find yourself frantically trying to multitask, accomplishing as much as possible while lamenting all the things you could have been doing. Wish you were doing.
Don’t lie, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
For me it started this morning, accidentally woke up at 430 AM becauea I startled a beagle puppy (Pro-Tip, don’t do that. Also don’t adopt a beagle without some SERIOUS research…we’ll get to that another time).
So I tip toe as quietly as I can around the bed but still, my bones must’ve creaked or maybe I took a loud breath…regardless I did something to trigger Sophie Security Systems inc.
Have you ever heard the sound of a beagle baying? It’s intense, basically a hound dogs war cry. It’s also entirely not her fault that generations of people selectively breeding to encourage, nay perfect, the highest pitched longest lasting sound her lil’ doggy throat could muster.
Fuckin’ people. Always tinkering.
She calms down, I get my heart back from my throat and get myself to the bathroom. I know there’s no way I’m falling back asleep after that, but that’s not a bad thing. I get some quiet time to myself, take it nice and slow, hell I even placed a grocery pick-up order early enough that I didn’t have to wait till 8pm on a Sunday to meal-prep for the week.
The rest of the morning was actually kind of idyllic, to be honest. Drinking good hot coffee, reading a book and lounging with my boyfriend. Petting doggos and doin’ crafty stuff. The clock creeps towards noon so I decide to packup and head on down to the valley, the setting for my “Real Life”.
I putter a bit on my drive, enjoying a long overdue call with my Half sister and her progeny. Stop downtown to do some window shopping, overall I’m still feeling pretty good about this Sunday as I head to pick up my pre-selected groceries.
Somehow, between the time I pulled in my driveway up until I sat down and started typing (~2.5 hours?) all of that sweet and slow sunday energy got smushed down into nothing. I started to ache, my shoulder tense and my back all jacked up. In the process of doing simple human chores (cooking, laundry, water plants, etc) I had gotten my mind all tangled up in what wasn’t getting done.
I was stuck in the loop.
“Well there’s 10 minutes left on the laundry before it needs to get switched over, is the rice burning? No, but when didi I last check the mail? I gotta change my bedsheets, but should I vacuum first? Fuck then I’d have to do another load of laundry, plus the goddamn dishes from cooking. And I have to shower still…”
You see where this is going.
So I stopped. The food is mostly cooked.
I’ve got at least one clean towel and enough clean clothes to get me through tomorrow.
The plants aren’t dead, and whatever houseplant bugs they apparently have are not a big deal. Ants, Cockroaches, slugs, those bugs would be a big deal. Weird gnats that show up while I’m watering are not a health hazard.
Having written it all out it seems so silly, that I got myself stressed to the point of physical discomfort (Stress=Tense muscles=overworked muscles. Unfortunatley not in the gym rat/ Bodybuilder kind of way…
But I did. Because I’m human. Because behind all of this mundane daily stuff are the big life unknowns and scary situations that lurk and fuck you up even if you’re not aware of it.
And we all have those big hairy scaries sitting up in the back of our brains, rerouting our neural pathways to make anxiety and stress the easier route than rationality and perspective taking.
If I had the mind to I could write a novel of all the stupid shit that’s taking up processor space in my brain, but I don’t think that’d help me or be engaging for you to read.
Instead I’ll give you the TL;DR before I ask for your monies.
I need a crapton of dental work I currently can’t possibly afford.
Without said dental work I will lose several (more) of my teeth.
being called “Jackie o’lantern” has never bothered me. Being an October baby I love anything halloween. But the (very real) possibility that nicname would refer to my face and not my name…that’s one horror story I don’t want to know.
Since August I’ve had COVID twice, a flu that kept me within reach of the toilet for 3 days, and a very unexpected and sudden death in the family (naturally the only part of it still somewhat involved in my life). I’ve missed ~21 days of paid work. This dental bill wasn’t going to be easy when I got the estimate in July, at this point it’s an impossibility.
Sounds like a whole lotta doom & gloom, I promise it’s not.
I’m incredibly lucky to have so many generous people in my life who’s contributions have reached over $900 over the past few weeks. Unfortunately it isn’t enough to cover the most critically damaged areas (front crown, a few fillings in the front and molars…) which was estimated at roughly 2200 total. Again, I’m super lucky to have an amazing dentist who understands and has started the work knowing my insurance is maxed out for the year and I wouldn’t be able to pay at time of service. Last week he finished my permanent crown on my right canine tooth, giving me the ability to take bites of solid food (an ability I will never again take for granted) and smile in pubic without scaring small children.
Here’s the link, Please donate if you can. Share it to your social media, email it to your uncle Freddie, whatever you can do helps.